About Therapy
“Tag, you’re it!”
Have you ever played the game? I played it all summer long as a kid.
If you’re not familiar with the game, there is a safe zone (like “home base”) with dividing lines. If you’re in that zone, no one can enter to tag you out.
And you don’t want to be tagged because if you’re “it,” you feel all alone. Frantically, you pursue, trying to tag out anyone. When you’re “it,” everyone else is on the winning team, taunting and teasing you as you try to make the Tag.
You typically notice one kid staying in the safe zone as you play, not wanting to risk the Tag. And then there’s that other kid, running wild in circles, jumping fences, and daring the one who is “it” to tag them. Which one are you?
Many of us still play that game, but it’s mostly inside our heads.
What’s been inside your head lately?
Are you tired of running with the herd? Or feeling like the lonely “it?”
Without meaning to, we often keep score of how we compare to others and only feel worse. No matter how much we remain with the herd to stay safe, we don’t feel safe and are afraid of being tagged “it.” So rather than risk being separate, we keep up with the herd of trenders and toppers, the “you should do-ers” and copy-cat originals. The must-have trenders (followers of what’s in) and high-low toppers one-up you in experience and material goods, richer or poorer.
You are not less than. You do matter, too, and you can’t win. There used to be safety in numbers, but lately, there is gnawing futility in this endless game of running with the herd to nowhere. And this little voice keeps pestering you, and maybe you don’t want to play tag anymore. You are tired of playing it safe, defeated by the herd mentality, and willing to risk being “it” to change the game and call the shots.
Anxiety, depression, shame and indecision, obsessions, anger, and abusing substances be gone. Become an original in what really matters: in love and true belonging, purpose, and meaning, and zestfully living your healthy lifestyle in body, mind, and soul. LifeWise, it’s a win-win, crafting a joyful life.
It’s okay to feel nervous or uncertain about starting therapy.
You’ve kept things hidden from others and yourself, the good, the bad, the ugly, and the not so pretty all your life. Yet you know it’s time to be real, upfront, and found out for who you really are. Otherwise, nothing’s going to change the loop of loserville.
You’re finally at the tipping point where things must change for life to get better. That’s a good thing. It means you’re ready to risk being vulnerable and honest without censure and willing to put trust in a stranger. And yet you hope in all humility that this therapist is the keeper of secrets, the voice of reason, the understanding ear you hope for, to get better, be better, live better.
I am here for you. You are precious, a pearl of great price, and I respect what you are doing and the courage it takes to come as you really are. I am humbled and proud to be your keeper of secrets, your voice of reason, your understanding ear.
But there’s nothing to fear…
I’ll greet you with a warm smile and an authentic presence.
We can sit and chat for a bit or go for a walk if you would like to move to settle. You have my full attention. This time is all we have, our most precious resource. I will make it comfortable. Let the outside breeze come in, diffused natural light (not too bright, not too dim), the hum of passing cars, and occasional birds chirping. Your privacy and confidentiality are paramount. If you’d like a bit of aromatherapy, clarity, or happiness or focus or just plain lavender – that is, if you are so inclined.
You will know I am listening by the questions I ask, the responses I give, nudging you to tell me more until before you know it, you are sharing so much of your life with me because you see that I am willing and able to listen and learn without judgment or assumption.
I encourage you to tell me what ails you, what you wish and hope for. If you can imagine it, we can lean into it. I may jot a word or two to help me tie into a future exercise. It is just as important to end our session with an easy transition back to ordinary life. We may end with a homework review or a mindfulness exercise (or begin that way). I may share a good book, podcast, or video to enhance our session.
If we see one another outside the session, I may nod, but you will be the one to initiate any contact as I am your therapist and what we have is as confidential and private as you wish. I am your advocate.
I understand if you’re skeptical about therapy…
You’ve been disappointed before, misunderstood, labeled, or even rejected in some way. You might have tried therapy and been disappointed. You might have heard horror stories from others. Or your family mocks anyone asking for help from outside the fold as if asking makes you less than them. Your family or partner might keep secrets of shame very private and closed off while repeating unhealthy coping strategies down to the next generation and the next.
This is where you come in to make a stand. “This has got to stop! I am not less than but more than this odd way of being.” And you come to therapy to break the self-defeating manifesto from your past, this present moment to change your future.
To design a future of joy and fulfillment.
To become life wise.
But therapy works… it really does.
You will experience change. Imagine beginning your day with purpose and clarity. Imagine saying what you really mean without worry, insult, or feeble attempts to be seen and heard? Saying no without guilt? Saying yes without fear of making a mistake? Knowing you can move forward in your goals and dreams as you handle the ups and downs that would have set you on a backward spiral before. How much more confident, grateful, and loving you will be. How much better your relationships will be and satisfaction in a life well lived and loved. And it’s all because you took the time in therapy to become the better you.
It’s okay if you don’t know what you want out of therapy…
Over the first few sessions, we will clarify your needs and wants.
Sick of being anxious and depressed but don’t know how or where to begin to break the “habit?” There are ways to overcome and lean into life and leave the anxiety and depression behind.
Tired of fighting with your partner or your family, friends, or others. You just want to be heard and understood. How satisfying to ask and be heard with respect and recognition.
Decision fatigue is making you confused. Even Starbucks is too hard. Forget Amazon, let alone deciding on a major, career, or life path. Mentally and emotionally exhausted from trying to figure it all out, with no success. Having to choose to make decisions and feeling like maybe someone else should do it for you. Only that someone else has usually made it worse. You gave away your autonomy again for a shitty substitute. Someone else who knows what’s better than you for you. That’s messed up!
Or maybe you’re too impulsive. Not thinking through your decisions and upping the ante of poor choices. Either way, you’re going broke in mind and spirit. It would be liberating to choose wisely, with just the right amount of deliberation and thinking through. A real confidence builder, learning how to make good decisions. Like money in the bank.
This is about your confidence and success!
You’ll learn all sorts of new tools and techniques to help you on your journey to becoming a better you.
We begin by cultivating being present, truly alive, engaging the senses and the mind at this moment. Through meditation exercises, gratitude journaling, and “artist’s dates,” to fall in love with the most important person on the planet, YOU!
If love is willing the good of another, then learning what it means to love yourself will spill onto others, and your relationships will blossom. And when your relationships blossom, you will grow, too. Acceptance, tolerance, forgiveness, patience, mercy, and other spirit fruits of virtuous living take root.
Becoming aware of and journaling thoughts, emotions and feelings, and attitudes and how you think about your thinking (metacognition) will lead to better decisions and contentment. An added benefit will be a greater appreciation and acceptance of how you do life, your process. The ability to observe your methods and modify your reactions along the way will become a curious experiment and not an awful mess as you go on and experiment. A growth mindset is fun.
Learning how to create lifestyle behaviors and design your life in terms of four major components to identify and fortify your authentic self with tools such as mind mapping and vision boarding will bring security and purposeful living. The best is yet to come.
Your newfound clarity and wisdom will be weaved in our sessions. Over time, you will note shifts in how you see things. You’ll gain new awareness and the ability to thwart negative reactions as you employ an intentional, growth-oriented mindset in your life.
You may have some weird dreams and be surprised as deeper thoughts and feelings emerge. This is a good thing! As you begin to heal, laughter will flow through you.
The authentic self who had been mind-locked, imprisoned, and crippled can now stretch and expand.
About Me
As a child, I wanted only to be with animals…
I sometimes pretended I was a howling wolf, running around on all fours. Yes, of course, my parents were “curious” about this and considered getting help!
So, I “toned it down” and became a horse. As I grew and realized I was human, my bike became the horse. I called my bike “Lightning,” and my best friend joined in the dream with her bike, “Thunder.”
I took care of all kinds of animals, bringing them into the house (much to the horror of my city-bred mother): snakes, toads, hermit crabs, birds, gerbils, fish, cats, dogs, grasshoppers… you get the idea.
It follows that I decided to work with animals. And because I also loved drawing, I decided to merge the two, eventually earning a bachelor’s degree in zoology and art. After that, I became a naturalist and a high school biology teacher.
So, here’s how I became a therapist…
One day, my husband came home with big news: He was asked to start a brokerage firm in Southern California. So, I took a leave from my teaching gig, and we headed to San Clemente with our adopted stray cat, Spike. We became bi-coastal.
That’s when it happened: All that I had done – different careers, teaching, writing, creating, nurturing, and caring – converged into becoming a therapist.
I realized that therapy incorporates all that we are. I believe that everything we do can be either therapeutic or destructive. We choose.
During my last teaching stint, I saw about 240 students a day. I saw significant needs, and they weren’t just academic needs. They were deeper… more profound: family issues, relationships, drugs, anxiety, abuse… you name it.
I wanted to help, and teaching wasn’t enough. I could do better… be better. I had to connect and do more.
Education and training…
I earned a master’s degree in Counseling Psychology and Marriage and Family Therapy. And, after everything, would you believe that I get to incorporate all of me into my work? I get to work with people… and I incorporate art therapy and equine therapy into our work!
I also use other modalities like CBT (Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy), its cousin, DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), mindfulness, short psychodynamic therapy, and specialties like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) for doing trauma work.
(By the way, a certain prince recently tweeted how EMDR helped him manage his fear of flying!)
As you learn and improve during our sessions, we might include additional techniques like motivational interviewing, positive psychology, attachment styles, family of origin, physical body and somatizations, brain health, neurobiology, or social environment concerns.
When I’m not seeing clients, counseling students, or teaching classes…
I ride “Rio,” a palomino horse, in the hills of San Juan with our sidekicks, “Di” and “Chip.” You might see us cantering up the hill overlooking San Juan Hills High School. For me, horseback riding is mindfulness, being present with gratitude and awe. The horse is my greatest teacher.
I also love to hike, but “Rocky,” my mini doxie, is addicted to tennis balls and not long walks. We have four chickens, “Crispy the hen” and a Polish rooster my husband named “Cocky,” and two bossy red hens, Cockeyed, on account of how she looks up at you, and Jigsaw on account of her crisscrossed beak.
And most importantly, my husband of 36 years, four amazing adult children, and three adorable grandkids enrich my life beyond any measure of money, power, or fame.
Lastly, my Catholic Triune faith is a great source of joy in my life. As they say, the greatest modality of all is to practice faith, hope, and love (and, from me to you, you know the greatest of these). 🙂
This is YOUR journey…
Whether you’re hanging at home base or running amok in a herd of many or on a team of one… you are safe here, no matter where you are in your game of tag.
Whatever your reasons for asking for help, I honor them. And I’m here to laugh, cry, and shake fists to the sky with you!
Are you ready to discover who you are with curiosity and fun?
Are you ready to remove the dividing lines from your emerging true self?
Are you ready to move forward with a better you and a better future?
We both know that’s why you’re here, and that’s what LifeWise Therapy is all about!
Ready to get started? Call today for your free 30-minute consultation: (949) 933-1242.